Moving Forward, But How?

Today's church sermon was on Luke 9: 51-62.

From NIV:

Samaritan Opposition

⁵¹ As the time approached for him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem. ⁵² And he sent messengers on ahead, who went into a Samaritan village to get things ready for him; ⁵³ but the people there did not welcome him, because he was heading for Jerusalem. ⁵⁴ When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, “Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them^[a]?” ⁵⁵ But Jesus turned and rebuked them. ⁵⁶ Then he and his disciples went to another village.

The Cost of Following Jesus

⁵⁷ As they were walking along the road, a man said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”
⁵⁸ Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
⁵⁹ He said to another man, “Follow me.”
But he replied, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”
⁶⁰ Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”
⁶¹ Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”
⁶² Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”


Two things jumped out at me during the service.
1. "If you are looking backward, you can't move forward."
2. Are you willing to give up these same things to follow Jesus?

Let's look at each of these. However, I want to discuss 2 first.
2. Our Pastor was honest and said she would have a hard time giving up the comfort of her bed, home, car, life to follow Jesus as He asked these followers.  For someone who had served in a church for 10 years, attended Seminary for 4.5 years, and has been serving in this church at least 3 years, she follows Jesus daily, but she is loves the creature comforts she has become accustomed to in her daily life. I am too.  If Jesus stood before me and said to give up all I have to follow Him, would I? I would want to say my good-byes to my family, bury my loved ones, etc. Would I be able to just walk away?  If I had to answer right now, my answer would be "no." I was Saved in 5th grade, Baptized in 8th grade, and I have believed in Jesus for as long as I can remember, since attending church as a tiny child.  I try hard to walk a Christian path, but I know I am not the best prayer, Bible studier, etc. I just try to be a Christian example to all those I can, and if I falter, I try harder next time. However, I don't know if I could just walk away to follow Him.

1. I can't even remember what exactly our Pastor was saying when I heard her say something really close to "If you are looking backward, you can't move forward." I certainly didn't hear what she said immediately after that either b/c these words hit me pretty hard. 
The next thing I remember her saying was that farmers who are tilling their land cannot look back at what they've done or they will not be able to plow in a straight line. The parishioner behind me seconded her comment. In order to do the job right, they must keep looking forward.
As you know through my blogging, processing, and moping the last 16 months, I have had a life altering change occur that was out of my control. It cut me deeply in a way I have never experienced, and I have had an extremely hard time processing and moving beyond it.  
While trying really hard to listen to all she had to say, I was also processing this idea. Then I thought . . . I am a traditionalist.  Traditions are extremely important to me, and family is huge to me.  I have amazing memories with my niece and nephew. I truly loved every moment spent with each of them the 9.5/11.5 years I saw them daily. Because of this, I think of all the experiences we are not having now, all the memories we are not making now, and how different their lives are. 

Then I think . . . God has plans for me.  God has to break me down to build me up. But . . . what does He have in store and when will it happen?  How long will this pain, anger, and fear continue?

When I look forward, it is the unknown when it comes to my relationship with my niece and nephew, finding a husband, having a family of my own, etc., dealing with the pain and fear I have.
Looking forward also means dealing with and taking responsibility for my ailing/aging mother.  I truly believe the end is closer than many think, and while I am readying myself for that, whenever the time comes, I am pretty much doing it alone.  I see her and care for her daily, and each day brings new realizations, concerns, and fears.

So . . . how do I quit looking back?  How do I truly move forward? How do I balance the past with the future?
For now . . . I will keep praying and processing. :-)