Worrying, Walking, and Writing

I know worrying is wrong.  I really try not to worry.  Actually, there are so many things I don't worry about and just let slide off.  I have come along way in the last 20 years to let things go and turn it over to God.  However, there is one area of my life that I just can't stopping worrying about--anything involving my niece and nephew.

This then leads me to lots of talks with God.  Most things I turn over to God.  I really work to let it go and just pray.  However, with my niece and nephew, I can't help but think of ways to make their lives better--to give them the best education, the most experiences, the best in life.

This leads me to ask God, "Why?". I hate that I do that.  I feel guilty that I can't just accept God's plan and wait.  I hate that I think the views, thoughts, and plans I have dreamed up for them are better than whatever God's plan is.  Maybe my plan is fine with God, but it will take time for others to realize and adopt my ideas and plans. How can the current situation or other things mentioned of late be what is best for them?  How can that be God's plan when there are better options?

In order to deal with my frustrations, questions, prayers, thoughts, and worries, I have thrown myself into walking and writing.

I start walking and really don't want to stop.  Some walks are with my BFF, and we talk about work and how to solve various work related issues.  Other walks are alone for me to process my thoughts and to talk to God.  I'm sure He is tired of me asking the same questions over and over, but I just can't get things processed and worked out that involve others' decisions.  I know there are lessons for me to learn, patience to have, a better plan from God, but I want to act, take charge, fix things.

I have turned to writing too.  If anyone is reading my blog, I am sure you are bored to tears.  My life is not that exciting, and I use it to process my thoughts about the hurt, anger, and loss I feel. I'm sure this is not an exciting blog and full of negativity rather than great ideas.  I'm sorry.  I have to use the blog for various reasons--to process, which I don't even really get the right words on paper, to share ideas for Girl Scouts, as a record of my crazy life, and just share info with others.

Thank you for listening and letting me share.  I will continue to pray and hope I can come to grips with God's plan.