Today, I picked up Mom's December 2013/January 2014 AARP magazine and read the interview with Maria Shriver. She said many things I found interesting, but two specific things stuck with me.
"When she is asked which of her many roles is her favorite, Shriver pauses, then says, 'I'm trying to get away from roles. I used to identify myself strictly in terms of my role, but when your roles fall away, part of you falls with them'" (36).
With the life changes I have experienced the last few years, I have had a hard time figuring out whom I am. Who I truly am. Am I the role I have at work? Am I only seen as an educator or is there more to whom I am? My entire world was wrapped up in being an Auntie to my niece and nephew, and with them no longer here, I don't have the same role. I have had to learn who I am without them. I have had to figure out what to do and how to fill my time now. I constantly ask God who I am meant to be and if I am doing what He wants. If there has been such a huge, dramatic change in my life, then what is next and how do I find and do that role?
So, yes, with every life and job change, our roles change, and we change who we are. We have to learn who we are without identifying with the roles we fill.
Who am I? Do I like who I am?
"You have to be willing to let go of the life you planned in order to make the life you're meant to live" (37).
This has been a huge struggle of mine lately when I think of my niece and nephew. Like parents thinking about their children's futures, being so incredibly involved in their lives, I had hopes and wishes for them too. I have had to come to terms with the fact that who I thought they would grow up to be, which friends they would have, the types of lives they would have . . . that is all different now. Yes, I know this is weird, and you are probably thinking I shouldn't have even had these kinds of thoughts for them as I am not their mother, but when you live as closely as we did, were as involved as I was (with their parents' permission and blessing), it is hard not to have these kinds of thoughts and wishes for them. Letting go is scary, emotion, and difficult.
I have also been thinking about this when it comes to my own life. I have said it before. I always thought I would go to college, meet the man of my dreams, get married and start my career, have kids by my late 20s/early 30s, etc. Well, I went to college and started my career, but all the personal stuff hasn't happened. I have come to terms with that. Well, I'm trying to any way. Right now, I am very focused on living the life God wants me to live. Does it involve a husband some day? Kids? I have no idea. I have learned to live right now and leave the rest to God.
It had been very difficult coming to these realizations and finding my new role or identity in life.
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:( I know their moving away has been so hard on you. I hope someday you'll realize that you are so much more than "just" their auntie. (And you're still their auntie, just not one that lives in the same house.) You're a daughter, friend, coworker, teacher, mentor, church family member, Girl Scout leader, and simply the best friend I've ever had.
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