Caring for the Elderly

Have you been the caregiver for a senior citizen? If so, please share you thoughts, ideas, and ways of surviving.

My mother, the most amazing, strongest woman I know, has taken over the daily care of her mother, Granny.  We had some wonderful ladies who stayed with her 24/7 for the last 9.5 months, but due to finances, Mom took over at Thanksgiving.  You know it has to be an adjustment to do something like this, but I don't think anyone can really prepare themselves for what is involved. Mom has given up her whole life, and in order to check on both of them, my life has changed too.

Granny lived alone and still drove until May 2010.  She was followed, attacked, and robbed.  That very incident would impact anyone, but it was the beginning of the end of the lady we knew.  Because she was so scared, even in her own home, she would be awake at all hours.  One early September morning in 2010, she was moving through her house, fell, and broke her hip.  After surgery and a hospital stay, she went to a rehab facility.  She did great, and she was able to return to her home within 3 months. She continued to be scared, but she was determined to be on her own.  By this point, she was no longer driving, and she was pretty much in her home full-time, afraid to leave b/c someone might break in. She would leave if a family member took her somewhere, but she was afraid until she returned home.

In September 2011, she developed a blood infection and a few other concerns, so back to the hospital she went.  Again, a hospital stay led to rehab to get her up and moving.  She didn't recover as well from this.  Dementia began settling in.  She seemed to enjoy the rehab facility, so we decided to leave her there in the nursing home portion.  For the most part, she was happy, made friends, and seemed to be doing well. This was when things were going well, her mind was "right, and she was more herself. However, she also had another side. This side was angry and frustrated, and during this time, she would argue and argue about going home, accuse people of things, and more.  Finally, in order for Mom to survive, we gave Granny a choice, knowing she wasn't always in her right mind.  She could stay in the nursing home or she would go home with 24/7 care.  Because of the Dementia, she totally believed she could care for herself and didn't know why someone had to be there full-time. This has been the argument and struggle for 10 months.

Through the caregivers, we have learned about "sun-downing" and Dementia, but it is still so hard to see Granny like this, see how she seems fine and herself one minute and the next she is a mean, selfish, ungrateful person we don't know.  She talks to herself or to people who aren't there. She says things that she would never have said to Mom or in front of me.

Unless I keep a log of everything Granny says or does, no one can believe what this has been like, especially for Mom.

There has to be some sort of training for this.  I am sure there are support systems, but how do you go about finding them or becoming a part?  Caring for anyone, but especially a parent, is so stressful, which I have probably already said, and you don't get a lot of rest. It is exhausting.

Besides worrying about Mom and the toll this is taking on her and her health, this whole situation has started me thinking about when I become a senior citizen and have no one to care for me.  I know it may sound like I'm being selfish, but . . . Will I be that sad little lady in the nursing home with no one visiting? Who will know when it is time for me to have full time help? Who will pay for it?  What if I can't pay for it? Where do I go?

So . . . besides wondering about my future, this has also brought to my mind the need for families to start thinking, now, about the care of their parents and/or grandparents when time comes.  So many people think that is something to worry about later, but I tell you, the time is now to start thinking and planning.  Loved ones need to become educated on care-giving or caring for the elderly.  I don't have all the answers, but I just know more has to be done to get the info out to loved ones.