I renewed my love of old westerns with the INSP channel. I have always loved Rifleman, Bonanza, and Big Valley, but now I love The Virginian. There were some good looking cowboy actors. They fall into the same category of good looking as George W. Bush. :-)
No matter the depth of your grief or loss, grass keeps growing, bodies still need nourishment, dishes and laundry still need to be washed, dust still needs to be controlled, groceries still have to be bought, bills still need to be paid, and life around you still goes on.
Losing someone impacts everyone differently. For some, it completely changes morning, afternoon, and evening routines.
A year that involves grief, loss, and diagnosis of Celiac, Hashimoto's, and Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome truly is life changing, especially when your body is crashing (a post for another day).
Chiggers and mosquitoes still love me, and I still strongly dislike them. They make enjoying spring, summer, and fall quite difficult.
When you have staples in your head, it is not the best idea to mow, move broken branches, or place yourself in the middle of a fight between two middle schoolers in the cafeteria at lunch.
God places people in your path to prepare you for the changes and experiences He has for you. He began making these arrangements many years ago, and I am so grateful. I have absolutely amazing family, friends, and co-workers.
It is possible to live through a year in deep brain fog. Yes, that is such a thing; some due to grief and loss, other due to autoimmune disease. Again, a post for another day.
When someone offers to prepare a meal for you or take you to eat, say, "Yes." You'll be hungry later and won't want to get up to cook or even reheat food.
While it is hard to lean on others, do it. God placed them before you b/c He knows what you need.
When someone tells you to rest, take it easy, or delegate, do it. It may hurt to let go or step back, but it is for the best.
Relationships change.
I probably should have taken more time off this last year.
God doesn't give us more than we can handle. He pushes us, and at times, he forces change to make us change. Sometimes that is hard to accept. They say things like this happen because better things are to come. I pray they are.
Each of us carries a light within. Sometimes, that light is so dim, flickering, and unbelievably close to going out. Keep the faith. That little light will shine brightly again one day. "This little light of mine. I'm gonna let it shine."
I am not the same person I was over a year ago. I don't know that I'll ever be the old me. Our experiences shape who we become. At this point, I don't like who I am. My goal in the next year is to find bits and pieces of the old me and create a new me. With God's help, I pray I become a better person.
