Worrying, Walking, and Writing

I know worrying is wrong.  I really try not to worry.  Actually, there are so many things I don't worry about and just let slide off.  I have come along way in the last 20 years to let things go and turn it over to God.  However, there is one area of my life that I just can't stopping worrying about--anything involving my niece and nephew.

This then leads me to lots of talks with God.  Most things I turn over to God.  I really work to let it go and just pray.  However, with my niece and nephew, I can't help but think of ways to make their lives better--to give them the best education, the most experiences, the best in life.

This leads me to ask God, "Why?". I hate that I do that.  I feel guilty that I can't just accept God's plan and wait.  I hate that I think the views, thoughts, and plans I have dreamed up for them are better than whatever God's plan is.  Maybe my plan is fine with God, but it will take time for others to realize and adopt my ideas and plans. How can the current situation or other things mentioned of late be what is best for them?  How can that be God's plan when there are better options?

In order to deal with my frustrations, questions, prayers, thoughts, and worries, I have thrown myself into walking and writing.

I start walking and really don't want to stop.  Some walks are with my BFF, and we talk about work and how to solve various work related issues.  Other walks are alone for me to process my thoughts and to talk to God.  I'm sure He is tired of me asking the same questions over and over, but I just can't get things processed and worked out that involve others' decisions.  I know there are lessons for me to learn, patience to have, a better plan from God, but I want to act, take charge, fix things.

I have turned to writing too.  If anyone is reading my blog, I am sure you are bored to tears.  My life is not that exciting, and I use it to process my thoughts about the hurt, anger, and loss I feel. I'm sure this is not an exciting blog and full of negativity rather than great ideas.  I'm sorry.  I have to use the blog for various reasons--to process, which I don't even really get the right words on paper, to share ideas for Girl Scouts, as a record of my crazy life, and just share info with others.

Thank you for listening and letting me share.  I will continue to pray and hope I can come to grips with God's plan.

The Life of Christ

In Sunday School, we have been watching/discussing 24 Hours That Changed the World by Adam Hamilton.  It has been fascinating, moving, unbelievable, and so much more.  We have watched a video section each week followed by great discussion.

On Wednesday evenings, our Pastor has been leading a short 30 minute service around the senses.  The church doesn't normally have Wednesday services, but she has done it this year during Lent.  Wednesday night focused on touch.  She dramatically discussed the story of Jesus making the blind man see.  She then allowed each person to choose a Prayer Square.  We discussed how God is always there for us, and we just need to pray.  We also always have others praying for us.  The Prayer Square reminds us of these things.  We prayed holding our squares.  She then had us gather around the Baptism Fount.  We each chose a small black rock from the bottom of the basin.  This reminded us of being Baptized and what being Baptized means.  While the water will dry and go away, the rock will always be with us to remind us.  God is our rock.  This sermon really impacted my niece and nephew. 

While at the Palace of Wax, they had a Life of Christ exhibit.  It gave me an opportunity to talk about Christ with my niece and nephew.

The shepherds are told a child will be born in a manger.

 

A child is born in a manger.

 

A young Jesus learns from the priests.

 

Jesus teaches the children.

 

Jesus teaches the multitudes.

The Last Supper

 

Crucifixion

Laying in the tomb.

 

He has risen!

 

God's Test

I truly believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.  He pushes us to test us, and He knows how strong we are, so He pushes us right up to our limit or even a little further in order to strengthen us.

With that said, the last 12 months have been very difficult and exhausting.  I know God has a plan, but I just don't understand, and I am getting so tired.  I know!  I know!  I should not analyze and try to figure out His plan.  I should just follow it.  However, it is so hard.  Just today, yet another thing happened.  My mother fell and broke both bones at the ankle in her right leg. I hate to see her in pain, and we have to figure out how this will play out since she is Granny's caregiver.  It will get interesting this week.

I recently saw the following: "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something."
I am sure He is, but I have to stay in prayer for patience b/c I want Him to just get me there already.  :-) He has gotten me down to the lowest place I've ever been, so I know great things must be to come.  However, I also know that things could get a lot worse.  I just pray they don't.

I also saw this one: "When everything seems like it is falling a part, that's when God is putting things together just the way He wants it." I believe this.  I have to be patient and do as He wants in His time.  I am sure this all has something to do with my lack of patience. :-) Or . . . He is trying to get me back on track and onto the path He wants me to follow rather than the one I have been making the decisions about the last 20 years.

Finally, I saw this one: "When God puts you through trials, He breaks you down, but He always puts you back together stronger than before."  I truly believe this one too.  He needs me to give it all to Him, quit doing things my way and wanting to be in charge of everything, and allow Him to lead me.  I know God has a great future ahead of me.

What are your thoughts about tests from God?  The quotes I shared?