Loss and Banks

When opening a bank account or choosing a bank to use, people don't think about loss or what happens when somone on the account dies.

When Granny passed away, we had to go talk to five different banks.  They ranged from extremely friendly, compassionate, and helpful to extremely difficult and exhausting.  Actually, three were very helpful, one was fine/pretty helpful, and one was difficult and exhausting.  Mind you, Mom or I were on all the accounts/documents.  One or both of us could work with any and all banks.  However, one bank made things difficult.  Even though we were on the accounts and had the death certificate, we had to fill out a lot of paperwork, visit the bank various times, and it took a lot of time to get everything updated. It seems like there is a lot of red tape and rules that apply.

Now, with Mom gone, I have only shared the death certificate with two banks.  One, the same difficult one as before, b/c I need to deal with the mortgage.  Again, they did not want to talk to me, even with a death certificate.  Yes, I can access the checking account, but everything else has been difficult.  They have mailed me at least three separate sets of paperwork to complete and send back.  They already have the death certificate, but they want a lot more information that I am just not ready to handle. Oh, and they won't do anything else until I have Letters of Testimony, Executor, or Administration. None of which can I get without Probating the Will, which takes money I can't touch at said bank.  Crazy!  I'm glad the other bank accepted my word the first time and the death certificate the second time.  I was able to get what I needed.

Now, do not take any of this to think I have tons of money.  No, it is taking every cent I have. Granny assisted us when she was alive, and she is helping us again now. Loss takes a lot of money,  and if you can't access it, you are in trouble.  Take care of paperwork now so that you can handle business later.

Loss

I have talked about loss on here before, but this time, I want to talk about handling the death of a loved one.  Personally, I have lost all my great grandparents, grandparents, two great uncles, an uncle, my father, and now my mother.  I have seen and experienced loss.  Each one impacted me differently.  Some I dealt with fairly quickly, but others took months and even years to process.  One . . . I'm still processing and will for quite some time.

Granny passed away at home, and I was the one to follow the ambulance to the hospital to make final decisions, talk to the ME, and more. I had to take the lead on planning her funeral because Mom was in rehab with a broken ankle.  I assisted Mom with all the paperwork and important business b/c I was the Executer of the Will.

I learned a lot going through the process when Dad passed away--decisions we had to make, planning the funeral, buying cemetery plots for the family, and handling business afterward.  I learned even more when Granny passed away.  Even with all that experience, it was not enough to prepare me for Mom passing away and being the Executer of her Will.

Here are a few tips that might help you if you ever have to deal with the business left after a loved one passes away.

What should you do before you pass away to help your loved ones?

Write a Will
-My favorite line in Granny's Will said something about "If anyone questions the Will or decisions made, they will receive nothing."  That wasn't the exact wording, but it is close.
-Make sure the Executer of the Will or someone you trust knows where your Will is when time comes.
-Update your Will. Some write one when they are young or first married.  Time passes, things change, and Wills need to be updated.

Important Documents
-Bank Accounts, Safe Deposit Boxes/Keys, and other documents must be in a spot where the Executer of the Will or someone you trust can find them.
-Those planning the funeral will have to be able to get to money, so those accounts have to be available.
-Do you have insurance policies?  They need to know about these.

Funeral
-Plan your funeral and leave those plans where your loved ones can find them.
-Who do you want to officiate?  Music? Location? Burial? Sermon? Scripture? Flowers?
-Funerals cost money. How will yours be paid for?

Money
-Loss costs money. Money for the funeral, bills, flowers, food, survival, and more.
-Where will this money come from when you are gone and your loved ones are trying to plan and more forward?
-With a loss, families go from two paychecks to one. Some lose the one making the money. How will they move forward?

Automobiles and Mortgages
-Did you know you can pay monthly for a policy that when you pass away, these items are payed off? -Look into it.  How are your loved ones going to pay for automobiles or pay the mortgage?

Accounts
-If you are single, you have to put someone on your accounts.  They have to be able to handle your business when you are gone.

Property
-Houses and property have upkeep. Who will help cut grass, trim trees and shrubs, and more?

Probate
-I don't know the law in every state, but in mine, you have to Probate the Will and have specific documents to move forward with business. This cannot start until 30 days after death, and the process then takes 60 days.
-What money is available during this time?
-Probate is costly.


How can you help someone who has lost a loved one?
My friends, family, and co-worers have been amazing.  I receive phone calls, texts, and emails daily from at least one person just checking on me. My BFF has invited me over for Father's Day and Independence Day, two days I would have been home alone.

Set your calendar to check on your friend or loved one every week, two weeks, or month.  
-They need support after the funeral. More than a week or month after the loss.  It is on-going.
-Invite them to lunch or dinner.
-Don't forget about them, especially if they are now alone.

Do not go to those trying to survive asking questions about the Will, items you want, or about inheritance.  
-Those dealing with loss are not in the mindset to deal with what you want.  You must give them time, and a week or month is not nearly enough time. Period. They are doing the best they can to survive.
-Be respectful of their feelings and time needed.

Don't forget them. 
-Sometimes, when someone loses a loved one, they continue to have family around and loved ones to fill their days.  Other times, the loss leaves them alone.  Don't let them be alone.

Just show up.
-Not sure how to help?  They keep telling you they are fine?  Just show up.
Go cut the grass, weed eat, or trim trees.
-Take them a meal.
-Go over and offer to dust or do laundry.
-Drop off a gift card for food, groceries, or gas.
-Go over and sit and talk.

I'm sure, once I post this, I will think of several more things.  Each day is a new learning experience.  What company will call?  With what doctor did she have an appointment?  Be patient with yourself.  Work at your pace. Don't make any major decisions for a year.

Going to the Theater

My amazing Great Aunt gave me her two tickets to see Dirty Dancing on stage during the Summer Musicals.  I invited my BFF and off we went, and we had the best time.

The moves and most of the lines were exactly like the movie.  However, they added a storyline involving the Civil Rights Movement.  It was fine and worked, but it was just different.  They had a male and female singer who sang a few of the songs, which I love in the movie.  I tell you . . . that guy can sing to me any time.  He has a beautiful bass voice, and I loved it.

It was a little sad thinking about Patrick Swayze and Jerry Orbach not being in it.  :-(

Thank you, Aunt Darlene!  We had a great time!!

Independence Day and Amazing Helpers

Happy Independence Day!

My Great Aunt and cousins invited me for lunch for brisket and the fixings.  The food was great and the company was wonderful!

My BFF's husband and son came over to help me with my yard.  I can do the mowing.  I have run a mower since I was 7, but I need help with weed eating, trimming trees and shrubs, and hauling off junk and trash.  Her awesome husband tackled the weed eating and mowing a strip of land I have behind my back fence while her son and I trimmed shrubs and cleaned up junk/trash and then hauled trash can after trash can to the curb.

For the first time, we saw a snake.  I'm so glad her husband was here when it slithered out and to the yard behind us.  (It is hard to see.)

Her son and I watched a crawdad/crayfish in the far back yard while her husband cut that strip of land.  I have seen their little houses/holes my whole life, but I have never seen an actual critter back there.  Well, we got one to come out of the hole and played with it.

I will forever be grateful to Tim and Connor Culmo for all their help today. They didn't have to, but they did.  They have no idea what it means to me.

I ended the day with my BFF and her family. Her mom invited me over for BBQ and fireworks.  I had such a nice time. I am so thankful to them for including me.  It really means so much to me. (I am not thankful for the chigger and mosquito bites.  Ha ha!)