Thoughts as I Approach 40

You know when you are young . . . you dream about your future and make plans and/or set goals.  I remember thinking I would meet my Mr. Right during college, marry soon after graduation, and have at least one, if not two, children by the age of 30 or 35, at the latest.  I figured I'd teach at the same school where I was first hired and stay there until retirement. By the time I was to turn 40, I would be happily married with a great little family and working with a great group of people. My home would have a library and an office, and it would be filled with love.  I think I thought that was God's plan for me, but I have learned that God had a different plan.  However, I worry that I have sabotaged God's plan and how my life has turned out has really been more about my choices than His.  

Have you seen Under the Tuscan Sun?  Toward the end, she is feeling low, and her friend reminds her that when she bought the house, she wanted to do three things with the hoe.  She wanted to raise a family, host a wedding, and one other thing I have forgotten.  The things she wanted, she did receive, but they weren't for her personally. (She was helping her friend raise her child, and she hosted the wedding of the neighbor girl and young man who worked on her home.) That is the revelation I have had this week as I approach my 40th birthday.

I have no Mr. Right.  Yeah, I haven't met him yet (that I know of), and maybe I am not meant to marry. I keep talking to God about this.

I have no children of my own, but God allowed me to be extremely involved in the lives of my nephew and niece the first 11 & 9 years of their lives.  Years, experiences, and memories I will treasure always. Experiences I miss. Through them, I got to enjoy school programs and parties, extra curricular activities, coming home to the open arms and smiling faces of two amazing cuties, and so much more. Not one experience or opportunity did I take for granted.

I didn't stay at the first school where I was hired.  No, I changed schools/districts my 2nd year, and during my 10 years there, I met some of the most amazing people who helped sculpt me into who I am as an educator and person. I went on to get my Masters and Doctorate, which had me meeting many more amazing people, and this led me to a district position that taught me a lot, gave me many new experiences, and continued to sculpt me into the educator I am. State and district decisions led me to a life changing decision that led me to another school and new experience that has stretched me and taught me even more.  Who knows where my professional life will end up? I do have to say . . . the experiences that I have had and the people I have met . . . I never would have dreamed.

I live in a home that I absolutely love in a town I love, even though I hate that it is growing so much, and yes, I do have a library and office space.  :-)

I've buried loved ones and purchased cemetery plots, which is something that truly impacts you.

I have two friends who are with me through everything, no matter the event, time of day, or insanity.  I have amazing co-workers, present and past, and another set of friends I could call on if needed. I have a family that loves me. I have a roof over my head and income each month.

Is my life where I expected it to be when I turned 40?  Nope.  Is it better? I don't know about better, but it is the life that has made me the person I am . . . for better or worse.

Another thought . . .

What makes a great birthday?  I see more and more people making it a birthday weekend or birthday week.  Others go on big trips.  Me? Yeah, I go to work and maybe dinner.  I have no idea what I would even want to do. I guess for me, I am here to live it, and I get to see some special people (maybe not all of them, but some), and the day ends up being pretty OK. I think I will ponder this a little longer.

Mom and Aunt Darlene took me to dinner and enjoyed gluten free cupcakes with me.  Thanks, ladies!

(We laughed hysterically as we tried to take selfies with a digital camera (not a phone).)